• They’re broke. These days, many firms are tight for cash, or choosing to safeguard their reserves. Don’t take it personally. If you got paid, count yourself lucky that you got the heads-up in time.
• They got bored. B2B relationships are like marriages. First comes the thrill of getting it together. Then the satisfaction of developing deeper understanding. Before you know it, the spark is gone. The flip side of reliability is predictability, and sometimes people just want a change.
• They moved on. Businesses change. Their strategies, priorities and cultures develop. Perhaps your client, once a perfect fit for your services, is a different company these days.
• Your service wasn’t sexy enough. People like to feel cutting-edge. They don’t want to miss out on trends. Shallow, but understandable. If you’re an established player using proven methods, however effective, a new kid on the block can make you look staid and uninspiring. It may not be fair, but it could get them a foot in the door.
• You weren’t sexy enough. Buyers are people. All else being equal, they’ll go with the provider who gives them an emotional thrill as well as a tick in a box. What’s more, they’ll bend the rules for someone they like. Being fit for purpose might not be enough.

Now, here’s why all that doesn’t matter:

• Plenty more fish. There are always more clients out there. Look at your remaining clients, identify the common thread and profile your ideal customer. Now go and find more clients like that. Your existing clients might be able to introduce you.
• Everything flows. Companies are formed, go bust, merge, split, buy each other. People move on, change role, get fired, start companies. Change throws up opportunities every day. Remember: ‘every exit is an entrance somewhere else’.
• Go where you give value. If your client moved on, it could mean you can’t meet all their needs. But that’s a reflection on them, not on you. Now you need to find new clients for whom you can add major value. There’s no point chasing a gig that’s not right for both parties.
• You are still you. You’ve lost a client. You have not lost your ability to gain clients, or to add value. Your offer is still just as strong as it was yesterday.

The psychological theme here is attribution: the way we think about the causes of events. Natural optimists attribute negative outcomes to others, while taking credit for success. Pessimists do the opposite, blaming themselves for setbacks while putting success down to fluke, circumstance or the actions of others.

If you want to move on from losing a client, cultivate optimistic mental habits. The client has moved on for reasons of their own, not because you fell short. And you already have all the resources you need to find a replacement.

No-one who uses Twitter much can be unaware of these ideas. Maybe it’s because of the followers I’ve chosen, or the typical profile of many Twitter users (sole traders, freelancers, consultants, coaches, trainers, marketers), but positivity is very much the order of the day. Most days, my Twitter feed is crammed full of inspiring quotes, motivational sentiments and success stories.

And that’s fine. Better that than doom and gloom. But is this relentlessly upbeat worldview really representative and balanced? Is it true?

From time to time, I’ve noted that some opinions expressed on Twitter are at odds with what I know those Twitterers really think. Clearly, they felt they had to put a positive shine on their sentiments for the world at large. Why?

Into each life some rain must fall

For Buddhists, transience (or ‘impermanence’) is the defining characteristic of our experience. Nothing is permanent or fixed; everything is shifting and changing. The seasons revolve around us; the weather changes from day to day; our moods and perceptions are constantly changing. Our lives are shaped by comings and goings – people, relationships, homes, jobs and situations all come and go as we move through life.

Transience is usually the product of movement or tension between polar opposites: day and night, rising and falling, happiness and sadness, hope and fear, growth and decline, life and death. We label ‘rising’ and ‘growing’ events as ‘good’, while ‘falling’ or ‘declining’ events are ‘bad’. We have a very strong preference for the ‘good’ side, so we try to bring more ‘good’ things into our lives, or hang on to them, and avoid the ‘bad’.

However, if we’re honest, we know both sides of transience are inevitable and, in their different ways, essential. We need rain as well as sun. We can’t be growing, profiting and succeeding every minute of every day. Even death is a part of life; decline or decay prepares the way for renewal.

So we shouldn’t be afraid of acknowledging our doubts, fears and failures in our social-media lives. In my view, it would make the Twittersphere a much richer, more balanced and fulfilling place to be – one that reflects every side of us, not just the parts we think are ‘good’.

Obama and Bush both know how to exploit our instinct to balance things out

This instinct is a double-edged sword for marketers. On the downside, it can lead to losing business if your customer decides they want a change. During my stints at a contract publisher and a design agency, we often found that long-standing, apparently satisfied clients would suddenly switch to another supplier ‘for no reason’. Of course, there was a reason: they fancied something new and different, and there was nothing we could do about it.

For B2B service providers, this is a very real hazard. First you identify what works (or what the client likes). Then you repeat it, refining your approach and maybe delivering economies of scale. But then, after a while, you come to be seen as staid, uncreative or inflexible. You’re their best friend, but they’re looking for a bit of romance. So you’re left weeping softly while they ride off into the sunset with a dashing new supplier.

But the same thing works for you if you’re drumming up business. The marketing copywriter can provoke, cultivate and exploit the customer’s restlessness simply by positioning a product or service as an alternative to something: the customer’s current choice, the default option or the market leader.

In NLP this is called ‘contrast reframing’: asking the question ‘what if things were different?’ or ‘how could they be different?’Your product (you say) is great; theirs (you imply) is dull, outmoded or inferior. Simply by offering an alternative to what has become familiar, you can generate interest in the reader’s mind.

For example:

Ordinary kitchen roll is great for little spills. But Soakitup is completely different. It effortlessly mops away just about anything, from juice and wine through to sticky stuff like oils, sauces and even ink – without leaving a stain!

The alternative you offer needn’t even be better, just different. Many people will still respond sympathetically, as George W. Bush knew when he suggested that US students should ‘hear both sides’of the science v intelligent design debate. The urge for balance can be stronger than reason.