From my blog

This is a grumpy contrarian blog post

This is a grumpy contrarian blog post about some aspect of marketing or advertising.

In the first paragraph, I’ll set up the straw man I want to demolish. I’ll use rhetorical devices like ‘it is generally believed’ and ‘many now think’ to create the impression that I’m challenging the general orthodoxy, rather than responding to a blog post I read yesterday.

'Thus, what is of supreme importance in war is to attack the enemy's strategy.'

In the second paragraph, I’ll position everyone else as naïve, credulous and inexperienced. Often, I’ll achieve this by recounting an isolated incident from my own career, taking care to ensure it happened at least 25 years ago. Getting my excuses in early, I’ll be careful to position this as the embodiment of a universal or eternal truth, rather than an irrelevant anecdote from someone who misses the 80s.

To build superiority over the flimsy commentators I’m attacking, I’ll devote at least one paragraph to selectively citing some statistics that back up my argument. An astonishing 85% of my statistics will be positioned as surprising or eye-opening in some way, again using carefully deployed rhetorical devices.

To add weight to my argument, I’ll be careful to include a quotation from someone even more grumpy and contrarian than myself, chosen on the basis of my subject. For marketing, David Ogilvy. For digital, Seth Godin. If all else fails, I’ll fall back on a historical grumpy old sod like Sun Tzu or Machiavelli.

Throughout the post, I’ll use the most ridiculously bombastic, combative language, as if my opponents were criminals of the very lowest kind, and indeed as if the topic at hand were actually important in some way.

Finally, perhaps aware that my argument didn’t turn out as strong as I’d hoped, I’ll invite my reader to beef up my pitifully thin content by commenting.

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Comments (8)

  1. I agree! And 99% of those with their heads screwed on (not the pitiful, gross, slightly mildewed sheeple) will agree too. That, along with my need to leap on aggressive bandwagons is why I’m leaving this lickspittle comment!

    On a serious note, has someone taken issue with a post of yours?

  3. I’ll express surprise at your grumpy contrarian post, noting that I rarely respond to blogs, indicating that my now doing so is a clear indictment of your grumpy contrariety.

    I’ll observe that your blog has previously suggested to me you are a man of intelligence and insight, thereby implying that clearly this is not the case and you are off your head.

    I will not take the time to find statistics of my own to indicate the nonsense of your grumpily contrary arguments because self-evidently this is not necessary.

    I will select the most extreme of your statements to quote then feel frustrated that the reply facility does not allow for the colourful and frenzied emoticons with which I usually convey my indignation.

    Finally I’ll finish off the whisky and log off in the secure knowledge I have set the world to rights.

  4. This is a comment response where I acknowledge the sterling work done by my cronies in (a) boosting the SEO appeal of the content at this URL and (b) bolstering my weakly substantiated opinions with their sycophantic fauning.

    Andy – in answer to your question, this was actually inspired by this post:

    http://brendandawes.posterous.com/ive-got-to-say-this-the-uk-web-design-scene-i

    For ten lines of rant, it has drawn 151 comments! Am I trying too hard to post quality?

  5. That post sounds like someone mediocre who’s had limited success has decided to vent some spleen at the “popular kids”.

    Maybe, just maybe, people at the top of their game group together and legitimately praise each other, while those outside with their mid-level skillsets throw rocks?

    It wouldn’t surprise me. Especially as I’ve spent more than enough time rock-throwing instead of working to improve.

  6. Actions speak louder than… words. Or in this case, you’ve just proved your quality with words. Really clever Blog post. Sorry for the sycophantic fauning.

  7. I am going to leave a witty and amusing comment. I hope that someone will click on my link. I may or not be amusing or fauning (as Craig says above), depending on how inspired I feel. Then I will check back later and feel a little disappointed to see that no-one has responded.

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